Could I run into any more BS-filled 18 wheelers head-on? Today, I was rudely pulled out of form C math in the middle of teaching matrices to go to a school board meeting. It was me, my principal, another teacher, 2 parents, and some other important ‘me who I still don’t know what she does, exactly. Between Sesotho <-> English translations, my principal said that, despite her earlier assuring that she would support me in my decision to stay and teach independently, the school board decided that it wasn’t a good idea that I stay because of “security reasons.” When I asked what exact security issues I might run into here, they couldn’t give me a straight answer. They were just afraid that, as the fragile little white girl that I am, I would need to go running back to mommy America to solve my every problem. And now that the PC isn’t behind me, I would surely perish. I asked why I couldn’t just solve any potential problem just like anyone else in the village does, and they just responded with something that wasn’t translated to me, but was peppered with the English word “exception.” When I pushed for more of an explanation and they were still being really vague, I got frustrated. The other teacher said that I was seeing things too simply. OK, I said, trying to keep my composure, explain what I’m missing and help me understand the complexity. Again, I only got vague responses. Visibly upset and on the verge of frustrated tears, I was being told again that me staying was a bad idea from a security perspective. The other bo’me (other than my principal and the other teacher) were showing sympathy for my upsetness, saying something in Sesotho like the situation was being made difficult for me, that I was helping, etc. and obviously felt really bad for me. Then they had me explain why I wanted to stay, and the other bo’me were sending even more love my way, whereas my principal and the teacher looked like they couldn’t care less about my distress.
I just felt like, due to my principal’s earlier statements about her willingness to support me, and now her utter apathy, there was something they weren’t telling me. But, again, due to the passive-aggressiveness so prevalent in this culture, she would never come right out and tell me what I was doing wrong or what issue she had with me. Was she holding a grudge against me for having to cancel the PC-funded grant we were working on? Was it still because of the schedule changing? Because obviously all the people in the village love me- they tell me constantly. It’s just the teachers who don’t, minus a select few. Despite them, I’m staying for my students. They rock (most of the time). I’m just so sick of other people interrupting/redirecting my plans. On a daily basis- a class being cancelled for some reason or other, and now on a larger scale- trying to make me think that I can’t make it on my own and continue to do my job. I’m not saying I like it, but I’ve stopped caring too much about the little daily interruptions. But if you tell me to up and move out of the place I’ve made my home, that’s a different story. If I decided on my own terms to leave, that would be different.
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